Anything Special Left To See

Recently my husband and I got into  a argument about my past life and how I used to party. He started asking some very personal questions about men I used to date, and if I had had sex with them or not. I admit that I was NOT at all comfortable divulging this kind of information. I had worked so hard to get over the regrets of my sexual past, and did not want to revisit these issues with my husband,and had always felt that one should never kiss and tell (it just makes it easier this way). But he kept pressing and pressing for more information and more details, and it was at that moment that I realized that your sexual past can have a lasting impact on your future marriage in a profound way.

Perhaps I shouldn't share my stories, but if it can help someone then hopefully it won't be told in vain. I had always set out to be a virgin when I got married. I loved being a virgin, I felt so special, and growing up in a time when most of my friends were sexually active, it was nice to know that  Iwas pure and innocent. Call it nievity if you want, but by the time I was 16 I had succumb to the "I need a boyfriend" virus. I just wanted some male attention. My Dad had abandon my mom, brother, and I when I was 7 or 8 years old, and I never had that Daddy's Little Girl treatment. I believe that this was a contributing factor for me wanting male attention. When I go back and read my diaries from Jr. High and Highschool, the same theme played over and over....I need to be loved, I need to feel loved, I want to be loved.  I mean up until that point in my life, no one had ever said I was  pretty, or worthy of any love, and it seemed as if my friends were always getting flowers, love notes, and affections, and I just wanted a little bit of that. That meant I need a boyfriend.

Looking back, I realize how stupid I was, I mean I fell for all the classic "let me get you to drop your pants" lines. My first boyfriend, was older than me, and he basicly told me that he loved me and all, but that there were other girls that he could be having sex with, if I didn't. Well one year, lots of drama, and a positve pregnacy test, I no longer had a my virginity, or a boyfriend. I was beyond devastated. Just how could a church going, God loving, youth group active, young lady end up in a situation like this. Even to this day I ask myself  why didn't  I just say no. For the longest time I hated myself, just pure disgust, what man would ever want me now?

By the time I was 20, I realized that for most people, sex was a recreational sport. So I just joined in the game. Every time, I felt so disgusted with myself, and realized that I had just been used.....again. No matter how fun and exciting it feels in the beginning, as a woman, you soon realize that you are always at the losing end of the stick. You always find out right after sex  that you and the guy aren't compatible, he has a girlfreind, he's married, or he was just out for the sex, and you let him have it. I lost a little bit of my heart, soul, and humanity. I actually got to a point where I was asking myself am I capable of really loving someone like the first time. Sometimes I still wonder if I can love like that, judge me if you want to, but it's the truth.

How many times have I wished that I was a virgin when I got married, or that I would have cared enough about myself to not buy into the whole free love, game. My husband admitted to me that if he had known from the beginning my sexual past, that he probably would not have married me, because he never wanted to be with a woman that was so used ( as harsh as this may sound, most men still feel that way, even though they may act differently). He felt, and still feels that a woman should try to protect herself a little more than a man. He told me that after all the women that he had gotten to sleep with so easily, that he wated to be with a woman that actually made him wait, so that atleast we would know he had done something  to earn her affections. I cried so hard when he told me that, not so much for the fact that he said the truth for him, but that it confirmed in my mind what I had felt all those years, and that is that I was "used goods".  In that moment I had to face the truth of how I felt all those years, and that is unworthy.

In all honesty, I'm glad that we had that conversation, because I was able to forgive myself, and my husband and I were able to move forward, because I was no longer witholding anything from him. However I wonder how many women feel the way I did.

I look at show like The Bad Girls Club and see these girls that are very promiscuous, and think are they REALLY happy? I mean at the end of the day, when they had a threesome, or gave a BJ to some guy they barley know, or had sex with a guy after 2 days of knowing him do they really feel good about themselves? I see it all the time, it's completly normal for  a woman to give her body up to a man within a few days. How do they feel after the 5th guy dumps, them, number 6 just wasn't right, number 10 was becasue she was drunk or high, number 15 was married?

It seems everywhere I look nowadays, young girls and women, have just decided to be like the men. Well if a man can sleep with 50 girls, how come I can't. Threesomes are normal, and younger and younger teens are imitating their favorite celebs, which happen to be teens that act older, behave in a more sensual ways,and dress sexier than they really should for their age. My friend's son just went to his 8th grade formal dance last week, and reported to his mom how all the girls were grinding and humping each other on the dance floor. Looks like future Girls Gone Wild participants are getting an early start. It really broke my heart to hear that.

All this makes me wonder what percentage of women have anythng special for their husbands to see, that 5,10,15, 25 men haven't already seen. How many lay in bed regretting, not feeling worthy, heart freezing over, when they realize that they have been used for sex. How many are in denial thinking that women can have just as much sex, and sexual partners and still be looked at the same? Some must learn from experience, I just wish experience wasn't the best teacher. Wisdom should be the greates teacher. we should seek out and listen to those who have walked before us, so that our trip down life's road can be a little bit easier.

Makeup and The Modest Woman

Ok, this is a subject that is very touchy for many women including me. Now I LOVE makeup, I am a professional makeup artist, and am a self proclaimed Walgreen's Junkie.....lol. It has been a struggle for me to find balance in the world of makeup, as it pretains to my being modest and loving to wear makeup. On an everyday basis I barley wear any makeup at all other than mascara and eyeliner, and maybe some light lipgloss, and I think that is modest as far as makeup is concerned, but there are times when I want to look like a DIVA, and go all out with my false eyelashes, crazy eyeshadows, and all the glitter and glam that goes with looking like a Diva.  Recently my husband voiced his opinion that he doesn't like me wearing shiny lipgloss because it makes my lips look too sexy and seductive. He said that from a man's perspective, when men see women's lips looking shiny and wet like that, only one thought comes to mind, and he doesn't want other men looking at his wife and thinking those thoughts. Our conversation  made me think just how much makeup should a modest woman wear. What are your thoughts and feelings on the subject. I personally feel that there are times that warrant more glam than usual and it's ok to have fun so long as it looks great and you don't look like a total prostitute (red lips, blue eyeshadow etc.). Post your comments  and take the poll!

New Year New You

I just love the feelings I get at the onset of a new year. An entire twelve months of possibilities, opportunities, and new beginnings. I plan (with the help of God Almighty), to live in divine health (I'm so sick of saying lose weight), get to a healthy weight, create an atmospher of positivity and love within my family, discover a brand new layer and level of love and passion with my husband, work hard on my lipgloss line, continue to build myself as a professional esthetician, and go full force with the message of modesty.

I hope that this new year of 2010 brings all of you joy and dreams finally fufilled. Remeber that with God, all things are possible. All you need to do is eliminate the negativity from your mind and spirit, and set forth on the wonderful course that he has set for you.

I hope all of you will help me this year bring the message of modesty to women of all ages. Be that becon of light and an exapmle of true femininity and beauty with me. I will leave you all on this positive note. You have the power (with God) to have the type of life you always dreamed of. Be blessed and be modest both in dress and in spirit!!

Happy 2010,
Raveena

More Fall/Winter Fashions

grey again! by Ella Lola featuring Brian Atwood shoes

Morocco by Mishou featuring Diesel jeans

Going to Class by Mishou featuring Miss Selfridge

Items in this set:
FANG Pleat Front Womens Tunic, $18
Black long sleeve crew top, 7 GBP
Dark Denim Wide Leg Jean, 7 GBP
dELiAs > Converse Ox > shoes > view all shoes, $39
Harry Potter Hogwarts Sun And Moon Tote Bag, $20

Weekend Getaways 11 by shoptillyadrop_ featuring Helmut Lang

Celebrity Street style :Sienna Miller by Fashionmint(Catching up & Busy) featuring Matthew Williamson shoes

Fall Look with eBags by clara_bow80 featuring BKE

Items in this set:
BKE Sweater, $19
Audrey Plaid Toggle, $50
Amazon.com: CORDUROY PLEATED MINI SKIRT: Apparel
2 Buckle Round Toe Boot - Teen Clothing by Wet Seal
Summer and Smoke Large Teardrop Earrings, $24

Corduroy & Plaid by clara_bow80 featuring J Crew

Items in this set:
Lime satin frill front shirt - Formal - Shirts & blouses - Tops -...
Womens Miso Double Button Checked Jacket, 60 GBP
petite stretch vintage cord skirt - chocolate, $40
Stella McCartney Corduroy velvet boots, $430
Brown Corduroy Equestrian Style Handbag - Vintage clothing from Rokit...

14/100 Cable-Knit Sweater by Musadinessuno_join Xmas group! featuring Old Navy

50/100 L.L. Bean Tote by Musadinessuno_join Xmas group! featuring Marc by Marc Jacobs dresses

72/100 Red Lipstick by Musadinessuno_join Xmas group! featuring Valentino shoes

Untitled by Beckles featuring Pedro Garcia shoes

2/5O♥ by ℓeonie❄ featuring UGG Australia boots

Items in this set:
River Jetties, $50
Salt Creek, $16
Dana Strands, $50
Fiona Boyfriend Crop, $80
UGG BAILEY BUTTON METALLIC LOGO, 213 GBP

1O/5O♥ by ℓeonie❄ featuring UGG Australia boots

Items in this set:
Salt Creek, $16
AE-Scoop Cardigan (oatmeal heather), $18
Abercrombie & Fitch > Women > Sweaters
Venice Boot Stretch, $40
UGG Classic Short Womens Boots, $140

Let me know how you like the outfit combinations!!!

What Men Really Think

These are some interesting Youtube Videos on Young Boys & Men on how they really feel about modesty and women's clothing in general.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlMiKZbK_FM



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9M-6UlgTtM

To Be Free or To Be Sexy? That Is The Real Question

Why does it matter how I dress? Who cares anyways? Isn't how I dress is my business? These are all valid questions, and I sometimes get these questions as a  response when speaking with women of all ages about the topic of dressing modestly.

Actually it amazes me at the number of young women who look at me like I'm completely CRAZY, for suggesting that they not show their cleavage and cover up their legs so that they can reclaim their respect and the power of their sexuality. Somehow they can't make the connection that the style of clothing (or lack of clothing) they chose to wear  is sending a powerful message that they can be used for sexual conquest, or simply not taken seriously. They idolize women like Kim Kardashian (who's only claim to  fame is her sex video scandal), and Britney Spears, thinking that by dressing more seductivley they can perhaps have a piece of the fanatsy that men will desire them the same way those women, and many other female celebs are desired.

The truth of the matter, is that for a lot of  women the fantasy that they fufill through dressing seductivley is a double edged sword,because the reality of life is that a book is often judged for its cover, and if the old expression, "Dress for the position you want", is true, then many women have it totally twisted. Why would you dress in a way that adveritises how great you are in bed, when what you really want is a stable, healthy, relationship, with marriage in the horizion?

I believe that the free love, sexual revolution of the 60's has back fired, in one way or another, on many, dare I say most women. The sexual movement that was supposed to set us free from the prude ideas of yester year, and make us equal to men, have indeed enslaved us. How many women are emotionally enslaved, unable to trust and fully love, because they have given their gift of sex away to so many men that didn't really love them? How many teen girls are mothers and the guy they gave their"love" to is no where to be seen? How many of us are struggling from the guilt of leaving our kids in daycare or with the nanny, because we have to work, or having to make choices between the family or the job? Be sexy, must stay sexy, ok over 40 must get botox, it's ok to have a one night stand, if guys can do it, then we can do it mentality, where has it really gotten us? Are we really free? Or are we over worked, under appreciated, stressed out, used and abused, trying to be a superwoman, when we weren't created for that?

 We are at a crital point in history, or should I say herstory. When our daughters; little sisters, cousins and younger friends are  choosing anal sex as a way to "save" their virginity? When young teens think it's cute to be pregnant, and when women think it's ok to have multiple sex partners with no sort of commitment, because men do it all the time, I think there is a problem, don't you? I mean just the other day I read of a report about the new teen trend of "Sexting", and where a 13 year old girl hung herself (just a few weeks ago) due to the ridicule she recieved after a nude photo that she sent to a boy she liked ciruclated at her school and on the internet. She was 13 people!!!!! What will our legacy be to future generations of daughters?

I know that dressing modestly isn't going to save us from all the problems that we face as women, but I wish you all could have a taste of what it feels like to remove yourself from the over sexed energy our society  thrives on, just by covering up. I know it sounds so stupid, but it's so true. I discovered it for myself when I started dressing modestly, it's kind of like unplugging yourself from the matrix. Since I no longer openly display my sexuality with my clothing, when I go places now, dressed to impress of course, I get looks from men, but it's not the same, they are looks of intrigue and respect. I get doors opened for me , and hats tipped at me, I get comments of you are so beautiful, your energy just radiates, not hey baby, you lookin soooo fine today or wow you got a lot of junk in yo trunk type comments. Let it be said that I am a happily married woman, and not looking for attention at all, but these are just my observations, plain and simple. It's what I wanted all along. Yes we are free to work, vote, pursue our dreams, happiness, and all of those things, and I am as thankful as the next woman for the Women's Suffrage Movement, but don't you long to be treated like the lady of yesteryear. To be courted and wooed, to be romanced, and treasured? We have the power to have all that and more, but lowering our standards is not going to get us what we want.

The thing that I realized, is that God created us equal to men from the very beginning. God said that it was not good for Man to be alone. I think that is interesting that he didn't say it's not good for Woman to be alone. I think God created woman self sufficient and so equip, that  he knew that we could fair off better alone than men. They need us, we need each other, but they really need us. We as women are precious commodity, and when something is considered precious commodity, it is valued and will be worked hard for in order to obtain. I believe that if every woman realized this about themselves, they would make men work a little harder, because men value what they have to work hard for much more than what is given to them for free. When they work hard this is when we reclaim what we wanted all along .....respect and true sexual power!

Ok well that is my food for thought for the evening, hopefully the message resounds in the minds, hearts, and souls of  some of you reading this. I hope that each of you are blessed and enlighten. Have a great evening!

Creative Ways to Layer

These outfit combinations are so fly!!! Whether you wear hijab or not, I think you will find something you will love.


View 'Denim' on Polyvore

Somewhat Disturbing Ad

These two pics where in the girls part of a popular clothing store my daughter and I went to at our local mall here in Puerto Rico. The store is called Kress. I was somewhat disturb by the message the 2 ads sent. What do you all think?

Holiday Fashion Challenge!!!!!!!

Ok Ladies, the holidays are coming, and it will be your chance to shine like the "Diamond Girl" that you are. The top 3 Best Yet Modestly Dressed, will win a 72 pieces Makeup Kit. Have Fun with it, see how you can create outfits from regular stores and become a Modest Fashionista!

Rules:
1. Must email photos of you wearing 3 different Modest Outfits,what stores you bought your clothes at, and your name,email address, and mailing address to themodestymovement@gmail.com by Dec. 31, 2009 11pm EST
2. Have Fun and Be Creative

3.Modest Fashions must atleast cover Breasts, Legs(meaning entire thigh part of the leg ), Shoulders, and not expose the back. As a rule of thumb the dresses or skirts that you choose must be lose enough to show you have class, but can be fitting enough to show your a woman (hope that small guideline helps)
4. This contest is open to all women regardless of age, race, ethnicity, or religion

Diamond Girl Fake Pearl Challenge

PROTECTING THE
FAMILY JEWELS
Diamonds are a girl’s best friend, and most girls would rather have a genuine 1 carat diamond ring set in platinum or gold, than to be handed a beautiful, yet fake strand of pearls?
The reason diamonds are the most valued and sought after jewels is because of the uniqueness of each stone, and how rare they are. Did you realize that no two diamonds are the same. It takes years of patience and perfect timing to harvest diamonds from the earth so that they can be turned into prize pieces of jewelry.
We as women are supposed to be like diamonds, highly sought after, yet hard to obtain; but in today’s culture many women have forgotten the power that God has given us. The power of our femininity and sexuality. Many women today have become easy for men to obtain, and objectified for sexual conquests. We see the girl in the music video, or in the magazine, and think I want men to want me just like her. Some women think that the more skin they show, or the sexier they look, the more male attention they will attract, but what they don’t realize is that when men see how sexy they are dressed, they automatically put them in a box. Box A is the Potential Wife Material box, and Box B is This Girl Is Easy box. As Sherry Argov puts it” ...When he sees you scantily dressed, he is not reminded of how great you look naked. He immediately thinks of all the other men you’ve slept with.”; (Why Men Marry B**ches pg.19)Research has shown, that although men will break their necks to look at the girl who is barley dressed, they are more intrigued by the woman who is subtly sexy, or not flaunting her sexuality openly. The mystery of what jewels lie beneath, makes them want to take the time to get to know her better.
Women need to wake up and realize that we hold the power to have society respect us in the way that we want, this is an even greater responsibility to those women who profess to be Christians. The power that we seek begins with us, and the image that we create for ourselves through our choice of clothing, our attitude, our words, and our actions.
I am challenging YOU, for the next 30 days to deeply reflect on the choice of clothing that you make, why you are choosing to wear the clothes that you wear, and how your choices affect the way you are treated. If you wear low cut shirts, and love showing your cleavage (as I used to LOVE to do), cover the “girls” up. Wear short skirts? Try wearing them knee length. I challenge you NOT to openly flaunt your sexuality with your clothing for the next 30 days. Try being creative with your clothing with a focus on looking feminine and classy, instead of sexy, or sexy and trashy (which is the worst combination). Let people, especially men see that you are a diamond (because they can easily tell a diamond from a fake pearl), because of your mind and special talents that God gave to you, not because you have big breasts, big butts, or shapely thighs.